Stupid Stones
by beingawesome
Summary: America brings a stone of some sort to the world meeting, and it transforms Spain into a 15 year old! Poor Romano! Romano and Spain guardian!fic
1. Chapter 1

Hi. My name is Lovino Vargas. I represent the nation of South Italy. No, not like a delegate or something stupid like that! I am actually the country…or, in this case, half the country. The other half is represented by my stupid idiot of a brother Feliciano. I was raised by a dumb Spanish jerk by the name of Antonio Carriedo (who this story is mainly about anyway).

So enough with the introductions, damnit!

So, the world meeting started out as usual, with the stupid American jerk babbling about superheroes, E-England screaming at the American jerk and somehow getting into a fight with the perverted French jerk, and the creepy Swiss guy threatening to hit everyone with his Noble Peace prize until the potato jerk my brother always talks to screamed at everyone for order. Then, the idiotic American jerk pulled out this box with something inside.

"Oh, America~!" My stupid brother sang out. "What's that?"

America looked excited. "It's this weird stone I found in my backyard! I don't know what it does yet…I didn't touch it in case it causes a zombie attack…" The last part was said quietly, but it was loud enough for us to hear.

Spain looked intrigued. "Hey Lovi!" He whispered annoyingly as England began to bang his head on the table at America's earlier confession. "Doesn't that sound cool?"

"Shut up, idiota!" I whispered back harshly.

Spain just gave me a simple smile before asking America, "Can you pass it down here, America? _Por favor_?" America gave him his signature mega-watt grin, making Spain give his own back.

For some reason, it made my insides burn with hatred.

_'You just don't want to admit the fact that you hate anyone who interacts with Spain better than you.'_

A voice whispered in my head. I pushed it away, and instead concentrated the stone inside the box America handed over to the tomato jerk. It was quite pretty; a purplish-bluish color and a weird orange aura.

"Be careful idiot," I warned. "Don't touch it!"

Spain gave me a smile. "Of course!"

His hand was dangerously close to the stone though.

By chance, Netherlands and Turkey were fighting, throwing punches at each other. A stray punch from Turkey accidentally hit Spain, making all his weight go down on the table.

My eyes widened when I saw his hand touching the stone.

A bright light consumed my vision, and all I could do was listen to an ear-piercing scream.


	2. Chapter 2

"SPAIN!" I screamed as the light blinded me.

Then, suddenly, all was calm. There was no sound whatsoever.

It took a while for my eyes to function correctly. I nearly jumped for joy when I could see again, but then I remembered my priority. My head snapped quickly to the seat where Spain sat...and I screamed.

Please note: the scream was a manly one. Anyways, back to the story.

Spain had been replaced by a-a kid! However, I noticed that the new kid had similar features to him: bright green eyes, curly brown hair, and tanned skin. I also noticed that the person's hair wasn't as curly as Spain's, and that he defiantly **_didn't _**have a smile on his face. Instead, his mouth was set into a frown and his eyes surveyed every nation present...though his gaze lingered on me and his mouth twitched into something close to a smile.

"You look familiar..." He mused. That's when he noticed France.

"_Francia_!" He greeted excitedly."How are you? Where's Prussia?...Why do you look so old?" France blanched. "Uh, hello, _mon ami_...Prussia's not here..."

"Por que?" The boy demanded. "Why?"

France looked uncomfortable. "He isn't a nation anymore..."

"Dude! Spain!" America called. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me!" The imposter snapped back in his heavily accented English. He looked confused. "Who are you anyway?"

America looked gob smacked, but his expression quickly cleared. "You've made it clear!" He announced. "You aren't Spain!"

A few other countries nodded in agreement.

"I am!" Mini-Spain growled."You don't have the right to decide! Are you one of Rome's minions? Tell him that I don't give a damn as to what he says!"

The countries looked confused at this. "You know..." The tea-sucker mused thoughtfully. "I'm starting to think he _is _Spain, just in his 15 year old stage..."

"Nah, that's impossible!" America retorted.

"Actually," The French idiot spoke slowly, "I think England is right. Spain did act like this when we were young...at least to Rome... though I wonder when he started speaking English..."

Spain (apparently) looked surprised. I was too, but the shock that France and E-England agreed on something was greater.

"You mean to tell me," He began incredulously, "that I traveled forward in time?"

England nodded. "Yes, it would seem so... By the way, we need someone to temporarily be his guardian until I find a spell to cure him."

Guess who volunteered? Here's a hint: He's an idiot who eats hamburgers. That's right. America.

Of course, I couldn't have that, so I stood up and announced, "I'll take him in!" Let me make this clear! I did not care for the tomato lover; I just didn't want him to get fat at the hands of the American, dammit!

England looked troubled before nodding. "Okay, Romano, you can take him in...That is, if Spain's okay with it..."

The 15 year old Spaniard beamed and nodded his consent. "I have a feeling I'll like you!" He smiled, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. "There's also the fact that there something weird about the tall person with the blue eyes."

I frowned.

What was so wrong about America?

I shook my head as America dismissed the meeting, and nearly groaned when Spain decided to annoy me by bombarding me with questions.

_Hey Lovi, did I defeat Rome? Did I grow strong?_

I sighed. This was going to take some getting used to.


	3. Chapter 3

It had been a week since that incident, when I realized something…I hated kids.

Spain always seemed to find a way to annoy me. The idiot actually had the guts to steal _my _tomatoes and then laugh about it later. Why did Spain have to be such an obnoxious, loud-mouthed kid anyway? I should probably have left him with that no-good American jerk.

Currently I was trying to coax Spain into coming down the ceiling. Don't ask me how. He somehow managed to climb up there and sit on the chandelier.

"Spain!" I called, remembering to control what I said, since he was a kid after all. Spain, ever the idiot, just stuck his tongue out at me as if to say, _Ha! You can't catch me!_ Uggh. Did I tell you how much I hate kids?

"Sorry Lovi~!" Spain called. "I like it up here!"

"SPAIN, GET DOWN HERE!" I screamed losing my patience.

The Spanish teen stared at me sadly and jumped down. He freaking **_jumped_** from a height of 7 meters!

"I'm sorry Lovi!" He looked ready to cry. His lip quivered.

Sadly, I softened up, but not 'cause I loved him or anything! I just didn't want to feel awkward while watching him cry. Seriously though, what type of guy would cry for such a small thing at the age of _15_?

"It's okay," I sighed. "Just don't do that again!"

See why I usually don't want kids around? They make me go soft. So much for being in the mafia.

Spain's face brightened and he smiled happily.

"Yay~!" He cheered. "Thanks Lovi!" He ran outside, probably to visit the tomato fields.

I had just sat down and relaxed when my phone rang. Perfect timing, right?

"Hello?" I answered the phone, albeit reluctantly.

_'__Hello?'_

England? What did he want? How did he even get my number?

"What the hell do you want, jerk?" I snapped.

_'__I think I've found the spell that can cure him-_

My heart sank. What? That meant…

_'-__So you can come over on Friday at around…2 o'clock?'_

Friday? That was only two days away!

"O-okay." I found myself replying shakily. "You're sure that it'll work?"

_'__Positive.'_ Came the reply.

"Alright. See you." After a brief pause I added. "Bastard."

I hung up.

Why was I so reluctant to take Spain to England's? I should have been happy to get rid of the jerk, right? So why was I so hesitant?

**This chapter didn't really turn out the way I would've liked, but...oh well...**


	4. Chapter 4

"…No."

"Aw, come on Lovi, please~?"

"No you idiot!"

"But why?"

Looking down at Spain, I tried my best to glare at him, though it was becoming increasingly difficult as his eyes got bigger and shinier.

"Because I want you to…you have to stay alive."

Before you even think of _mentioning_ it, no I did not nearly say I wanted him to stay alive…why would I say that?!

Anyways, the whole reason I was arguing with the idiot, was because Prussia, ever the potato bastard, casually mentioned going out to drink _in front of tomato bastard_. And considering the fact that he was a _fifteen_ year old _from the past_ at the moment, that was the _stupidest_ thing a dumbass like him could've done (and trust me, he's done _a lot_ of stupid things). Now I had to deal with Spain.

"What do you mean Lovi~?" Spain looked curiously up at me.

Damn it! Why did he have to look so cute?! Fifteen year-olds weren't supposed to look like that!

…Okay, I give up…but what's said here _stays_ here, you hear me?!

"You'll get drunk-"

"-What does that mean?"

"You won't have any idea as to what's happening, and the next morning you'll wake up wishing you were dead."

"Okay."

"Anyways where was I? Idiot, you made me forget! Wait, I remember now, so shut up, and let me speak. You'll get drunk and get hit by a car…and then die, depending on how lucky you are."

Spain had a look of concentration which only made him look cuter, if possible. "A car…"

A look of realization crossed his face. "The thing that clangs and has hard circles underneath?"

"Um…yeah."

"'Kay, then I won't go."

"Right…"

Just as I was about to leave, I felt something tugging my sleeve (in this case, someone).

I sighed impatiently. "Yes?"

"A-am I going back to Rome?"

I blinked in shock. Where had that question suddenly come from?

"Why do you ask?"

By now, I had fully turned around so I could see him. He was looking at the ground, deep sadness present in his usually cheerful green eyes.

"I just…never mind." With that, he turned away and began to walk to his room.

I just stared after him. His change in mood was strange. Maybe it was some kid thing?

'_There's something off about this.'_ A voice said in my head.

I frowned. _'What's so strange about it? He probably finds this time period cool or something, and doesn't want to go back anytime soon.'_

'_You should know the symptoms. You've been through this yourself.'_

'_Just shut up!'_ I shook my head. Now I was talking to myself?!

…I am most definitely _not_ mental, so shut up.

I decided to go heat up the pasta from yesterday, because I was hungry and…I couldn't waste perfectly good pasta, okay? Why do I need to give you reasons as to why I did something anyway?

Eventually, I began to get a little concerned about Spain. The more I thought about it, I realized that the voice in my head was right when it said something was off. The sadness radiating off him wasn't the normal kiddish sadness, it was a lot…deeper.

Now I was beginning to get concerned.

"Spain?" I called, but received no reply. I hurriedly got the pasta out of the microwave after it finished and ran to his temporary room.

I didn't bother knocking, and just entered the room. Inside, Spain sat on the tomato red covers of his bed; listening to music on his iPod (it had really fascinated him at first). When he saw me though, his eyes widened, and he took off his headphones and gave me a curious glance, as if to say '_Why are you here?'_

I ignored the look, and made myself comfortable on the bed, before looking at him seriously and asking, "Why did you ask me if you had to go back to Rome?"

Spain looked like a deer caught in the headlights. "Just forget about that, it was stupid." He tried to divert my attention from the topic.

Like he could fool me!

"Listen _Spagna_," I started, my eyes searching his for any signs of nervousness. "I am the one temporarily in charge of you…I have the right to know."

It was strange where this sudden bout of concern came from, but I blame it on Spain- the jerk was probably rubbing off me damn it!

Spain looked terrified at the possibility of telling me, but tried to look cool. "I already told you that I didn't mean anything by that."

"No," I snapped, suddenly angry. He had the nerve to lie about that?! "You're not telling me something important, and I. Have. To. Know."

"Why does it bother you so much?!" Spain shouted, suddenly in tears, and he jumped off the bed and brushed past me.

I stood there for what seemed like hours, in shock, before remembering what had happened.

"SPAIN?!" I called loudly. "Where are you?!"

No reply.

Had he gone outside? I checked the whole garden, even under the bushes.

Nothing.

I began to grow increasingly worried. Where had he gone? He wasn't inside the house, and he most definitely wasn't outside either, so there was nowhere else he'd go.

Naturally, I began to panic, and called the first person who I thought could help.

England.

Don't get me wrong, I hated him (I still do), but who else could I turn to?

Feli would just freak out and get the whole world involved (quite literally), and that would suck.

Potato bastard- Out of question

France- I'd rather not be raped

You see?! No one. Anyhow, let's go back to the story.

Right, so I was calling England, right? Yeah. He picked up on the thousandth ring (okay, maybe I am exaggerating a bit… A. Bit)

'_Hello?'_

'Yeah, Eyebrows, I need your help!'

'_Don't call me that!'_ He snapped._ 'And what happened?'_

'Spain's gone!'

'…' There was a long pause. _'What exactly do you mean by gone?'_

I could imagine his eye twitching.

"Um…he just…ran away?" I said meekly. It wasn't like I was scared of him, no! What makes you think that?

'_What did you say?'_ England sounded tense.

"I said that he-"

'_-Not that, you dolt! What did you ask him?'_

"I am NOT a dolt, bastard, and he asked me if he had to go back to Rome, and I asked him why!"

I heard England suck in a breath. _'Why did you do that?!'_

"'Cause he was acting strange!" I yelled into the phone. "There's nothing wrong about what I did!"

'_O f course there was something wrong!'_ England yelled back. _'After all, he was ab-'_

He cut himself off.

'_Never mind, have you any idea as to where he is?'_

"No, tea-sucker! Why else would I call you?!" I was beginning to get frustrated.

"'_I'll have you know that tea is, in fact, very delicious!'_

"That's what you say about your scones, and look at them! They suck!"

'_They do not.'_ He sounded hurt.

"That doesn't matter!" I screamed at him. "We need to find Spain! You know, the cheerful idiot! The oblivious f-"

'_-Okay I get it!' _England cut me off. _'Come over to my place tomorrow as scheduled, and we'll try and figure this out.'_

"What?! Tomorrow?! He could be dead by then!"

'_Sorry Romano, but we can't do much.'_

With that, he put down the phone.

I dropped to the ground, still holding my cell phone to my ear, and only one thought in mind:

_Please be okay…_


	5. Chapter 5

I shifted nervously from foot to foot.

"Romano, could you please take a seat?"

It was obvious that Potato Bastard was getting pissed off, but I didn't really care.

The Tomato Bastard was missing damn it!

So I just glared at him, not sitting down.

Potato Bastard sighed as though he was giving up, and I mentally pumped my fist in the air. I wouldn't lose to the likes of him!

I had met with the damn Tea-Sucker the previous day, and guess what? We had accomplished nothing. Basically I wasted a whole load of time being forced to try out scones instead of looking for Spain…and they tasted terrible as usual.

"Very vell, vat have you called all of us here for?"

I took in a deep breath. "Well…_Spagna _is missing…"

Pandemonium ensued.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Potato Bastard (I'll call him P.B. for short) screamed his signature line.

Almost immediately, everyone stopped talking.

P.B's eye twitched, showing he was most definitely on the brink of snapping. "Vat. Does. That. Mean?"

I scoffed. "Here I was thinking you knew English-"

"-Get to the point!"

Damn.

"That means-"Here I took a deep breath, "-Spain ran away…"

"WHAT?!" This came from the rapist bastard, surprisingly (or not). "Why would he do that?!"

The Hamburger Bastard, being unusually silent, said, "That's why you should've let me take him in Romano!"

Now, this pissed me off. Like he could've done any better!

"Yeah, and what would you do, bastard?!" I seethed. "Feed him Hamburgers till he explodes? Face it, you aren't the parenting type."

And before you say it, I AM a perfectly fine parenting figure, so shut up!

America (I'll call him that for now, calling him Hamburger Bastard all the time gets kind of tiring) frowned, surprising me.

Why?

Well, he was America. He was the most cheerful nation ever, bar Spain. He basically had no need to _not_ smile.

"I have been a parent before." He spoke quietly. "And no, I wouldn't have stuffed him with hamburgers. I am not that stupid."

"America…" England said hesitantly, getting out of his chair and walking to where America stood, glaring at me. "Calm down!"

"Calm down!" America suddenly shouted, shocking all of us because he sounded _so_ tearful, it wasn't even funny. "How can I calm down when he insulted- after Hawaii-"

He broke off there, and walked out of the meeting room rather quickly.

"Well…that was weird." Poland spoke up in the silence. "Seriously, he's crazy!"

"Shut up!" England yelled, before running out of the room himself.

Seriously, why was everyone running out that day, anyways?

I decided that I might as well take my leave too. What was the point of being there anyways?

Potato Bastard didn't try and stop me when I left, nor did Feli. Not that I care.

It felt relieving, getting out of the goddamn meeting room. I'm serious, it was freaking stuffy in there! I'm surprised no one suffocated to death out there!

I decided to go to my favorite spot-the garden. This might sound dumb, but I like the quiet. No stupid kids, no annoying waitresses or maids, and the list goes on and on.

Anyhow, as I neared the spot, I heard voices. And guess who those belonged to?

America and England of course.

Now, I took my chance to do a little spying. Maybe they had staged this and were hiding something? I mean, the first time Spain spoke to me, he had mentioned that something was off about America.

So I hid behind a tall statue of the Greek god Apollo (I don't even know why it's there, so don't ask) and listened intently.

"America," England was saying really softly. "I know it hurts when people say things, but you have to keep in mind that Romano does not know about what happened."

"I know Iggy, you're right, you're always right!" Holy shit, was America _crying_? "It still makes me feel terrible!"

"We've all gone through this, Alfred," England used his human name, "Each and every nation has had colonies after all. All of us have had people who left us."

I couldn't conceal my gasp when I realized what they were talking about. Could it be that Hawaii hated America now?

What? It was pretty shocking, if you ask me. Anyways, back to the story!

Unfortunately for me, America heard it. "What was that?" He asked England.

"I'm not too sure." England replied, "I'll go and see who's there."

That was all I needed to hear, before I started running away. Luckily for me, I ran pretty fast.

I finally slowed down after I was separated from them by at least half a kilometer.

I decided to just sit at a nearby fountain to think, instead of going to my room like I usually would to avoid the Stupid Tomato Bastard. No, I do not miss him!

Oh, who am I kidding!

Anyways, yes, I was thinking.

So America felt bad 'because I called him a bad parent, since Hawaii left him, or some crap like that.

England suddenly started supporting America, god knows when, and was helping him now too, apparently.

America obviously did not kidnap Spain, nor did England (I knew that from the start, but I wanted to make sure, damn it!).

And, finally, they probably knew nothing about where Spain could be.

Basically, all the information I gathered was pretty much useless. My hope turned into despair as I realized that. I would probably never be able to find Spain!

"Damn it!" I yelled out loud suddenly, scaring a flock of pigeons away, not that I gave a crap. "Stupid Bastard!"

"Um Romano?" My eyes widened.

It was England!

"Um, yes?" I managed, hoping he wouldn't catch me. Strike that, there's no way he could've caught me! I'm too good at lying for that!

"Have you, er, seen America around?"

That surprised me. "Wasn't he with you?" A split second later, what I said registered in my head, and I nearly died of a heart attack.

"How do you know?" England asked, eyebrows furrowed. "Whatever. So you don't know where he is?"

I shook my head mutely, hoping he'd leave me alone, because I sure as hell didn't want to be near him.

"Alright then, Romano. Thank you for your help."

With that, he left.

So apparently, from what I heard and experienced, America must have ran away when England came looking for me, or something like that.

What was the world coming down to?

**I apologize for not updating sooner. I had like a gazillion tests back to back, and I didn't know about them, until the night before the first test. **

**Thanks to all my followers, and, of course, the people who reviewed! You guys all really motivated me to finish this chapter!**

**~beingawesome**


	6. Chapter 6

I was ready to give up.

It was official.

The only people who knew where Spain was were his captors.

I asked almost everyone I knew; Stupid Fratello, Chicken Potato Bastard, China, Japan, Finland, Sweden (okay, I admit it! I asked Finland to ask Sweden! What's it to you?), and even Netherlands.

But I had to admit, my meeting with him was well, weird… (And no, I was most definitely NOT intimidated by him)

_**Start Flashback**_

_I knocked repeatedly on the door, cursing as my knuckles began to throb._

"_Damn," I hissed. "Feli better not have been lying when he gave me the pipe-sucker's address." I thought about the prospect of __**Feli**__ lying, and immediately scratched out the idea. He was too…nice…for that._

_Just when I was about ready to leave out of frustration, the door opened to reveal the Netherlands looking half-asleep (I may have forgotten to mention that it was 5 in the morning, but it doesn't matter, damn it!)._

"_Feliciano?" He squinted._

"_No bastard, it's me." I growled. Who was he to confuse me with my idiotic brother? We were nothing alike!_

_Feli was all happy, cheerful and sappy, while I was…well, I was nothing like him, okay?! OKAY?!_

"_Oh, it's you." He looked faintly surprised before covering it up. This made me feel really pissed. It shouldn't have been THAT surprising to see me!_

"_Yes it's me." I replied, huffing. "What's so bad about it?" I narrowed my eyes at him._

"_Nothing, nothing!" He raised his hands, rolling his eyes. "If you want, you can come in."_

_Seeing as he left the door open, I decided I may as well follow him inside._

"_Sit on the couch." He yawned from the kitchen (he was that loud), while fumbling around for something. _

_I ended up listening to him, because the couch did look pretty comfortable (not because he frightened me). It wasn't as comfortable as mine, but better than some people's (such as potato bastard's. His couches aren't even like couches. They're more like chairs, and they just piss me off)._

_Anyways, let's continue before you make me forget what the hell I'm talking about. Trust me on this, caspa*, I'd love to point out faults in Potato Bastard's couches, but this story isn't about that._

_He (the Netherlands) finally appeared almost 3 hours later, holding his pipe. Naturally, this pissed me off, but I held it in for later. I could insult him, after I questioned him._

"_Okay Romano," He yawned once again, louder. "What do ya want? It __**is**__…really early, y'know…"_

"_Bastard, have you seen Spain?" I asked bluntly (to the point, as usual)._

_His eyes widened a fraction before he cleared his throat, and replied, "Oh, no. So that's why you came over. Belgium told me about it yesterday. I didn't think she was being serious."_

_He squinted at me. "I didn't expect you to be serious about this either."_

_He shook his head, brushing a few strands of hair out of his face. "You should just forget it. Spain will come back eventually. I see no point in worrying about it. Besides, it's not like he's gonna die. Nations can't remember?"_

_My blood boiled at that. He had no right to question me!_

"_Listen Bastard," I sneered, "I'm looking for the Tomato Bastard 'cause I want to. All I want to know is whether you know where the hell he is!"_

_Netherlands blinked is shock before smiling. He freaking SMILED. Do you know how that made me feel? Of course you don't._

"_Oh, I don't." He said without conviction. "I have absolutely no idea where he is. Better luck somewhere else."_

_With that, he pushed me out of the room. He PUSHED me (the bastard)._

_**End Flashback**_

Now I had a problem.

What could I do next?

I had a feeling that the Netherlands was acting a bit suspicious, but seriously, I had no idea on how to get the info. out of him.

Damn.

I needed help.

To make matters worse, I couldn't ask for help from any nation but a superpower, or a generally powerful nation.

My brother was entirely _out_ of the equation. Potato Bastard too. Japan was, well…I never really spoke with him much. China would probably call me a corrupt bastard (as if!) and the Rapist Bastard would most definitely try and rape me (well no shit!).

Who else was there?

Of course.

Hamburger Bastard and the Tea Sucking Bastard.

Just my luck.

The only two people who could help me had to be the people I tried to avoid. Not because I was scared that they'd find out that I spied on them, but because they reeked of…something…

What?!

Anyways, I decided I may as well try. America may not have been intimidating, but I was sure England could be. Spain used to tell me stories of him as a pirate. Ever since then, a stupid squirrel started peeing in my bed (for about 2 months straight).

Plus, America _was_ a superpower, no matter how much of an idiotic bastard he was. I could do with someone powerful. Damn it, why were the idiots always more powerful? Why couldn't smart people like me get that powerful?! Not that I wasn't powerful at the time, _capsa_!

Before I decided on anything, I thought about whether there were any other options or not (like a freaking smartass! I know. I _am _naturally smart). Maybe I could ask someone else. That way, I wouldn't have to deal with an annoying loudmouth.

Turkey? No, he tried to conquer me. That guy gave me the creeps. Hell, he gave a lot of people the creeps! (Therefore, my reason is perfectly justifiable)

Greece? Forget it. That guy always slept. He was the only nation who could probably out-sleep Spain (Spain slept a lot, I know that for sure).

Belgium was a girl, and I never spoke with Hungary.

It was almost as if it was near to impossible to find another source of help.

'_Damn it!'_ I thought angrily. _'I have no choice, do I?'_

Well, that settled it. It was time to make a phone call.

***caspa is Spanish for dandruff. I know, I'm terrible at insults.**

**I apologize for, once again, updating so late. I've been having writer's block for the past two weeks, and I still haven't completely recovered from that yet. Hopefully, it won't happen anymore.**

**~beingawesome**


	7. Chapter 7

I had called the Hamburger Bastard and the Eyebrow Bastard the other day, and they decided to meet me at my house since they were around anyways.

I was waiting for them to show up; they'd said they'd be there at 2:30, roundabout, but it was 2:45 and there was no sign of them yet.

Trust them to stand me up…kind of… whatever! That doesn't matter!

Finally, around three o' clock, they showed up.

"The HERO has arrived!" The Hamburger Bastard made his entrance dramatic.

England, on the other hand, made his presence known with a simple, "Hello Romano. I trust you are well?"

"I would be 'well' if you two weren't late by about half an hour!" I yelled at them.

What? They deserved it.

America simply laughed it off (he freaking _laughed_) but England had the decency to look a _little_ ashamed.

"Sorry about that." He apologized bashfully, before directing a glare at America. "America…took some time getting, err, ready."

America snickered. "Come on bro! I got ready real fast; it was you who took forever! You kept adjusting your tie!"

England turned a strange shade of red. "You were the one who was scarfing down burgers like your life depended on them!"

"My life _does_ depend on them!"

"Okay you two! Shut up!" I had had enough. "I _do NOT_ want to see your…lover's spat."

"HEY!" Two simultaneous cries were heard.

I ignored them. I seriously didn't have time for this. And plus, they were giving me a headache.

"Now you better listen to me, damn it!" I hissed. "Netherlands is acting suspicious."

They gave me identical looks of disbelief.

Do I look crazy to you?

"Say what?" America looked at me weirdly.

What the hell! I am perfectly trustworthy! Right!

Or maybe it was because I didn't really explain what was going on…

Wait! I did, over the phone!

Those bastards can't fool me!

Caterpillar bastard furrowed his huge-ass eyebrows (hence the name). "You mentioned something about the Netherlands over the telephone the other day…"

"But you can't remember."

Needless to say, I was pretty damn pissed.

I took time out of my precious schedule (that _might_ not exist. _Might_) to fill him in, and I foolishly thought that _maybe,_ just _maybe_, he could be a smartass for _once_ and tell the Hamburger Fatty.

But noooooo~! Let's procrastinate and never tell America! Then let's forget the whole thing all together! That's sounds wonderful!

Not.

Unfortunately for me, I had no choice but to explain the whole thing to them _again_. As if _that_ wasn't enough, they kept interrupting me!

Whoop-de-doo!

"So wait, you went to almost _every_ nation's house!" England would ask, caterpillar eyebrows mounting up to his hairline.

"Aw, that sucks for you!" America would say, laughing. "You should probably take along a hamburger! You get lots of energy from it!"

"It also makes you fat, you fool!" England would hiss, and they'd start arguing all over again.

After the sixth time it happened, I got pissed and hit them with a frying pan that was…_conveniently_ sitting on the table.

"OW!"

I ignored their screams of pain, a decision which I thought everyone should've taken (ignoring them was an ideal way to make them shut up). Our lives would be a lot easier.

Then I ordered them to sit the hell down, and told them everything that transpired.

Okay, I didn't _order_ them, I'll admit it. Now shut up before you take away my manliness, goddamn it!

"Hold on bro. I'll summarize all of this. _You_ think that the _Netherlands_ _most probably_ kidnapped Spain because he told you that Spain is probably going to turn up at your doorstep tomorrow, or something like that?"

"Yes, damn it!" I hissed, my patience wearing thin. "You'd better not question it!"

America held his hands up in mock surrender, amusement lurking in his eyes. "Cool down bro."

"Romano, have you tried Turkey?" England had a strange expression on his face.

Did I try Turkey?

No I didn't. But you can't blame me! The dumbass tried to conquer me, damn it! And then _Spain_ of all people had to save me!

_Spain!_

That was the single most embarrassing moment in my life, and be glad I'm even telling you this shit!

The only reason he needed to was because of my height disadvantage okay? I was pretty tall at the time, but Turkey was a freaking monster and… we'll leave it at that.

"No, I _might_ have forgotten." I lied through my teeth.

England believed me. I think. "Okay, why don't you call him now?"

"No way!" I snapped, catching them off guard.

England looked at me with a strange expression on his face.

America laughed for the billionth time. "No problem dude! I'll do it!"

To say I was relieved would be a bit of an understatement. It must have showed on my face, because England asked, "Are you alright, Romano?"

I felt like a deer caught in the headlights. "No, no! I mean, yes! I'm fine! Just peachy!"

I DID NOT squeak. I don't do squeaking. I just…whispered. Yeah.

"Alright." England said weirdly, but didn't question me.

Thank God.

Anyways, America punched a few buttons on his cell and held it up to his ear. The room was deathly silent; I could hear the dial tone and everything.

Finally, a gruff voice answered. "Hello?"

You can probably guess what America did. He laughed. "Yo Turkey! Is it okay if I drop by your hotel for a bit?"

"No!" The voice showed a little panic in it. "Sorry America, I'm kind of busy. You know, DNA and RNA and stuff."

"What?" America was confused, and I was too (as much as I hate to admit it).

"Nothing!" I heard. "Bye!"

With that, the phone went dead.

"Well, that was weird." America stated.

Oh no! I thought that was perfectly normal, acting all crazy!

No shit America!

"We should probably head over to his house then." England surmised.

"What? No!" I panicked. "Not yet! We don't have enough proof! What if he's doing some voodoo shit there! What if-"

"-You're scared, aren't you?" America asked, uncharacteristically serious.

"What? Pfft, no!" Did I look scared?

"Why would he be- ah yes." England said. "Turkey tried to conquer you once, yes?"

"Maybe…" I replied, looking everywhere but him. "But no! I'm _not _scared!"

"Whatever then," America walked towards the door. "If you aren't scared, then you wouldn't mind coming with us."

England followed suit.

Damn it! Why did I have to call them of all people?

With a long sigh, I trudged out the door behind them.

Might as well get this over with.

**Okay, well...sorry?**

**DON'T KILL ME!**

**I have no excuses this time. **

**I will admit it; ****I was being lazy.**

**I'll try to update sooner, no promises though. I've got exams coming up soon, so chances are pretty low.**

**Sorry!**

**~ beingawesome**


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